Almost there! Graduation is just around the corner, hopefully, in less than a year I will have a BFA. A year sounds like a long time to go still, but I know it will just fly by.

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In summary, year four of university has been hard (I feel like I say this every year?) - I have a lot of healing left to do, from upsetting academic and personal experiences. These microaggressive experiences as minority students are all too common, yet they seem to happen again and again. It almost seems to belittle the experience to call it a "micro" - aggression, because if it is aggressive, there is nothing "micro" about the impact of that experience on my life.

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This past year, I've been reflecting on my role in academia going forward. I've made it no secret that I love teaching and intend to become a professor someday, but the longer I stay in the "ivory tower" the longer I feel disillusioned and hurt. I've had to re-evaluate my goals in life to make sure I can continue growing in a healthy and safe environment. I worry at times but know that I have core values that I refuse to compromise wherever I go.​ In this way, I reassure myself when things feel impossible that they are not, and that I have been through worse. I recently started going to therapy, which was a long time coming, and it has been helpful so far to manage and navigate emotional pain developed along the way. 

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For the year in review rundown, here we go - I completed my second co-op, a very calm 9-5 photography job which felt like a welcome break from schooling, even for just a few months. In the spring, I was very excited to take the Critical Visions capstone with a great cohort of peers, and we were able to publish a cool and insightful volume of essays examining identity from a variety of perspectives. You can read the full publication online here: https://issuu.com/daapsoa/docs/cvsn_identity_final
I am *super proud* of the work we did even if the road to get there was rocky at times. I completed the first part of senior thesis, and wow, how did the time fly by! I feel like I just finished intro studios, and here we are diving headfirst into thesis work. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to be here and it is one of the things giving me joy every day I work on it. On this note, to answer my past self - I did get to start that book!  And I am just as passionate about reggaeton now as I was then, if not more so. It has been and will continue to be a privilege to make art that is both personally and politically meaningful, and I think about that even more so these days. 

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Currently, I am working on an EEP as a co-op substitute, which has actually been pretty fun! My plan is part-time interning at the CAC and part-time independent research in cultural studies. At the moment, I'm working on a presentation on "The Future of Joy" considering how celebrations have adapted to online formats, and more specifically how music, cultural memory, and joy are inherently linked. This EEP has been a true exercise in self-discipline but I am learning every day and trying to accept that progress is not linear.

 

Things that happened in an alternate universe/non-COVID-19 timeline - I traveled to San Juan, Puerto Rico to present my first panel at Puertografico 2020, an SGCI conference. I also got to travel to Cusco, Peru to attend workshops in traditional Andean weaving, iconography, and art on a Wolfstein Travel Fellowship. I got to travel to Guatemala with a study abroad ethnomusicology class to learn indigenous music and participate in cultural exchange. Finally, I spent my summer interning in New York City at an amazing art museum (#citygirsummer). I write that these things happened, not to dwell on what could have been, but to do two things: first, to remind myself of what I did accomplish in being accepted and that applications do pay off. Second and maybe more importantly, to manifest that they might still happen in the future, even if the experience evolves or something better comes along.

 

So what have I learned in the past year? I think in my last year in review I wrote about re-evaluating my priorities to put my mental health first. I won't lie, it isn't very easy, but every day is a new opportunity to balance all the things that "need" to get done. I've learned how to take better care of myself physically and mentally in a few ways - and to me, this has been more significant to any academic achievement yet. Under quarantine, after a few months, I started to go on weekend hikes to see friends IRL and this currently is a welcome staple in my routine. Other welcome staples to my life routine include setting aside time to read for enjoyment (even if it is a theory book!) and also working on passion projects like starting an art collaborative with my friend called "Mercury in Reggaeton" aka MIR Collab (@mircollab on Instagram). Finding rewarding things to complete is important because that sense of completion when a project ends doesn't seem to come often enough in the slow, drudging pace of research. Also, just eating and sleeping more consistently is a great way to restore energy, and it's an ongoing process to sustain myself physically.

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Now what? Last year I promised to take better care of myself, my body, and my mind. I promised, amongst other things, to be happy and enjoy being happy, as well as be sad when I need to. I feel like I took this to heart, especially after working a 9-5 and describing it as "calm." I've also separated my self worth from productivity, which felt liberating in a weird way - I definitely recommend it. There have been a lot of times this past year where I just needed to feel sad for a moment, but I knew when it was coming and knew how to cope through that emotion. 

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Now, I am going to be facilitating a UHP Digital Lounge channel on Inequality. Heavy work? maybe. I had told myself that I would be steering clear of diversity and inclusion work after my negative experiences in many areas of the university, but I think a student-led and student-focused space is just the kind of space to be having important conversations like those centering Inequality. I know right now is a pivotal time, with the Black Lives Matter movement, protests, demands for reform or abolition, and subsequent conversations on how to be not just not-racist, but actively antiracist I think it is important to encourage student leadership in thought and action. I will not be centering myself, or generalize BIPOC people as fighting the same battles because the truth is we don't. This time is the time to center Black stories, experiences, testimonies, and ultimately demands.

 

I commit now and forever to working towards an academy that fosters healthy, safe, and joyous learning centering Black, Indigenous, and persons of color. That means dismantling academia as we know it, and I welcome the changes that are soon to come.

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Signing off, here's another quote that used to be on the door of a beloved professor - 

 

"Nobody's free until Everybody's free" 

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- Fannie Lou Hamer

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// SCK

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-SCK