As I'm currently in the midst of summer school, it feels a bit odd to write a year-in-review but another year has indeed gone by! 

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Here I'll share a few things I've learned about myself: to note that in the past year I have experienced a lot of (sometimes painful) emotional growth. To be very honest, I've struggled academically this past year, resulting from a combination of bad experiences compounded by bad personal habits. It has been (and always will be) a little rough, but I am getting through day by day. While I won't get into too many details, I found myself stuck feeling unsupported by my peers and school. I wanted to find solutions, to find the root of the problem and work towards fixing it. It was only after lots of energy, emotion and time invested later that I began to realize that I couldn't burden myself with fixing an issue that does not want to be fixed; to educate or hold the hands of a group that doesn't want help.

 

I put a lot of heart and time into the org community and the university, and had a few very rough experiences happen all at once over the Fall semester. Over the spring I worked out on co-op, which proved to be a nice and necessary break from en environment I no longer enjoyed or felt safe/valued in. Now that I'm back in the classroom cycle, I'm re-learning how to engage with the school community and my peers after going through these bad experiences that have re-shaped the way I see and feel about them. 

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Concrete and exciting things that have happened in the time since I last reflected here would be good to share, so here goes: I got to travel to Texas with PZA Club to attend SGCI 2019 "Texchange," an international print conference that was such a great experience I am planning on going to the one in Puerto Rico, 2020. In fact, I recently proposed a plenary panel and themed portfolio; events for the conference that were accepted. (I have some more planning to do now, but don't I always?) I completed my first co-op at Pistachio Press, a local letterpress studio. This was a special experience as it included a lot of self-directed work, but also a lot of creative freedom that I really treasured. I had a residency at the Cincinnati Contemporary Arts Center!! 3 months of educational fun, funk, and musical art-making where I listened to X100PRE over and over and over again. Do I regret it? Not at all ;)

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In terms of academic progress, as I said I've not felt in good shape. Over the fall, after a particularly sour classroom experience, I started to spiral. I slacked in assignments, trying to continue without acknowledging my degrading emotional and mental health, ultimately resulting in many months of confusion and worsening academic performance. I thought I had things under control, but I really didn't. It was incredibly important for me to recognize this, but it took time to 1) realize what was going on within myself, and 2) have the energy to do something about it. 

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Regarding positive academics, I feel pleased with the artistic work I've been developing over the past year, which has helped me personally deal with /offset external issues somewhat. I've been working on some really sweet new print and photo work that have acted as smaller research steps towards my thesis, which while a little ways away, I am still very excited for. Question for my future self: did you get to start that book? And are you still as passionate about reggaetón as you are right now?

 

Reflecting on the past, it's become clear to me that I will need to prioritize differently going forward. Last year I think I wrote "balance your life and worldview," which I definitely tried, but after further reflection had to accept that it wouldn't really suffice for a healthy lifestyle going forward. No, I really needed to re-evaluate my priorities, which meant sometimes putting my physical and mental health ahead of my studies. My studies suffered, and this was hard to accept for me. At first, was hard to balance my intense and committed attitude towards school with other personal issues that were starting to show up, including unexpected health problems and familial issues. Now that I've accepted a significant change in work/life balance, it's time to re-adjust and move forward.

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Moving forward, I'd like to write a promise to myself, one that upon reflection, I should have made a long time ago. I promise to take better care of myself, my body, and my mind. I promise to stop worrying so much about what others might think, and I promise to not let anyone or anything interfere with my life and career goals. I promise to try smarter, not always harder. I promise to be happy and enjoy being happy, as well as be sad when I need to, knowing that I have the tools to help myself through sad times. 

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My professors and close friends have been tremendous help over the past year, supporting me and my work when I have felt incapable or a bit lost. To conclude, I'll leave y'all with a quote my treasured printmaking professor Breanne Trammell has posted on her office door: 

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"In the dark times

Will there also be singing?

Yes, there will also be singing, 

About the dark times."

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Bertolt Brecht 

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-SCK